


do you message me just to piss me off?

by Anonymous



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Best Friends, Bonding, Boys Being Boys, Boys In Love, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Dark Humor, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Family, Family Dynamics, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hanging Out, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Idiots in Love, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Mild Dark Humor, Mild Sexual Content, Romance, Sibling Rivalry, Stupidity, Swearing, Teasing, Texting, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:13:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27139186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: dream:kiss?georgenotfound:do you message me just to piss me off?
Relationships: Antfrost/VelvetIsCake (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), George | Spifey/Harvey | TapL, Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 179
Kudos: 1646
Collections: Anonymous





	1. why the fuck are we called lettuce gang

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally written for my stupid ass friend group, love you losers. <3
> 
> *also i don’t ship irl people, these are just their online personas. if they’re no longer comfortable with stuff like this, i’ll take the fic down.

_12:36pm_

[ **dream** added **georgenotfound** and 23 others to **lettuce gang** ]

 **georgenotfound:** why the fuck are we called lettuce gang

 **dream:** thought it’d be funny

 **georgenotfound:** u thought wrong

 **sapnap:** well _i_ think its funny

 **georgenotfound:** you think everything is funny

 **sapnap:** im not the one who was laughing at 4am over some stupid spongebob meme

 **georgenotfound:** IT WAS FUNNY AT THE TIME OK

 **dream:** it was probably only funny bc you were sleep deprived lmao

 **tommyinnit:** WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

 **dream:** arent you supposed to be in school rn?

 **tommyinnit:** ARENT YOU SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD RN?

 **georgenotfound:** lmao

 **dream:** wtf im not old-

 **dream:** and george ur older than me stfu

 **georgenotfound:** youll probably end up dying first anyway

 **dream:** ur just mad im hotter than you

 **tommyinnit:** POG BIG MAN

 **dream:** go back to class tommy

 **tommyinnit:** UNPOG BIG MAN

 **sapnap:** where is everyone else anyway

 **sapnap:** i miss karl ;(

 **georgenotfound:** barf

 **sapnap:** stfu and go make out with dream

 **dream:** lol

 **georgenotfound:** bigger barf

 **dream:** :(

* * *

_2:55pm_

**eret:** you guys seriously made a new chat while i was streaming

 **eret:** my phone kept buzzing in the background so i had to turn it off

 **dream:** sorry lol forgot some people still do that

 **georgenotfound:** you fucking suck

 **dream:** just kiss me already

 **eret:** so anyway.

 **georgenotfound:** im gonna leave this fucking chat

 **sapnap:** noooooo gogy i love you

 **georgenotfound:** please kick sapnap dream

 **dream:** lmfao maybe later

 **sapnap:** eat shit gogy i don’t love u anymore

 **sapnap:** and dream ur on thin ice

 **dream:** nah

 **dream:** you still love me

 **sapnap:** ok ur right

 **georgenotfound:** every day with you two is a nightmare

 **eret:** should i have left?

 **georgenotfound:** no eret please

 **eret:** right-

 **fundy:** what the fuck did i just walk into

 **wilbursoot:** ITS THE FURRY!

 **fundy:** FUCK YOU IM NOT A FURRY

 **eret:** lmfao fundy did u just summon wilbur

 **fundy:** god has forsaken me in this lifetime

 **georgenotfound:** what the fuck does that mean

 **fundy:** nothing

 **dream:** ok then-

 **wilbursoot:** fundy :D

 **fundy:** don’t you fucking dare

 **wilbursoot:** who’s a good furry??? :)

[ **fundy** left **lettuce gang** ]

 **eret:** LMAO WILBUR

 **dream:** i’ll add him back lmfao

[ **dream** added **fundy** to **lettuce gang** ]

 **fundy:** i fucking hate every one of you

 **eret:** even me?

 **fundy:** youre the one i hate the least

 **eret:** close enough

 **tommyinnit:** WILBUR

 **wilbursoot:** TOMMY

 **tommyinnit:** FUCK YOU 

**wilbursoot:** what the fuck

 **badboyhalo:** language! >:(

 **dream:** bad ur a little late on that lol

 **badboyhalo:** D:

 **wilbursoot:** now look what youve done dream

 **wilbursoot:** you made him sad

 **dream:** wtf

 **wilbursoot:** i think u should apologize

 **georgenotfound:** lmao yeah apologize dream

 **dream:** shut up george

 **badboyhalo:** :( don’t be mean, dream

 **dream:** fine ok im sorry

 **badboyhalo:** :D

 **skeppy:** bad

 **skeppy:** bad

 **skeppy:** @badboyhalo

 **skeppy:** bad reply

 **badboyhalo:** yes?

 **skeppy:** ily

 **badboyhalo:** ily too skeppy!! :D

 **dream:** why can’t we be like that george

 **georgenotfound:** please don’t talk to me ever again

 **dream:** :(

 **badboyhalo:** i love you dream :)

 **dream:** :)

 **badboyhalo:** :D

 **sapnap:** i wish karl was here

 **dream:** stfu

 **georgenotfound:** stfu

 **sapnap:** pain

* * *

_7:08pm_

**karljacobs:** sapnap?

 **sapnap:** OMG KARL

 **karljacobs:** SAPNAP

 **sapnap:** i could kiss u rn

 **karljacobs:** wow babe you miss me that much?

 **sapnap:** yes

 **georgenotfound:** hey did you guys know something

 **sapnap:** what

 **karljacobs:** what?

 **georgenotfound:** private messages exist

 **sapnap:** i don’t wanna hear it from u

 **sapnap:** u and dream make out all the time in our group chats

 **georgenotfound:** literally go fuck yourself

 **karljacobs:** hey that’s my husband >:(

 **sapnap:** yeah you tell him babe

 **georgenotfound:** im throwing up as we speak

 **karljacobs:** get well soon

 **sapnap:** lol

* * *

_9:26pm_

**technoblade:** good morning

 **dream:** it’s literally 9pm

 **technoblade:** good morning

 **dream:** sigh.

 **dream:** good morning techno

 **technoblade:** thank you

 **tommyinnit:** THE BLADE !!!!!!!!!

 **technoblade:** oh no

 **tommyinnit:** FUCK YOU TECHNO

 **dream:** tommy im starting to think you failed english with your limited vocabulary

 **wilbursoot:** lmao can confirm he did

 **tommyinnit:** FUCK YOU GUYS THIS IS WHY TUBBO IS MY BEST FRIEND

 **wilbursoot:** _only_ friend

 **tommyinnit:** NOT POG WILBUR, NOT POG

 **technoblade:** does the child have his capslock stuck or something

 **wilbursoot:** LOL probably

 **tommyinnit:** IM NOT A FUCKING CHILD

 **tommyinnit:** IM A MAN

 **wilbursoot:** then why do you sound like you’ve inhaled helium 4 times over

 **tommyinnit:** AKSNAKDHWORHWODHWONDK

 **dream:** tommy don’t make me kick you

 **dream:** youve been banned from the smp once before and i will do it again

 **tommyinnit:** THAT WASNT EVEN YOU BIG D, THAT WAS DRISTA

 **dream:** yeah well i can do it too

 **tommyinnit:** drista is cooler than u anyway

[ **tommyinnit** was removed from **lettuce gang** ]

 **tubbo:** D: tommy

 **dream:** oh hi tubbo

 **tubbo:** hi dream!

 **tubbo:** can u add tommy back pls

 **dream:** hm.

 **dream:** i guess i can for u

 **tubbo:** :D

[ **dream** added **tommyinnit** to **lettuce gang** ]

 **dream:** there :)

 **tommyinnit:** FUCK YOU

 **tubbo:** TOMMY :D

 **tommyinnit:** TUBBO

 **tubbo:** BFF!

 **tommyinnit:** BFF

 **dream:** @georgenotfound

 **georgenotfound:** no

 **dream:** one day, dream, one day

 **tommyinnit:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 **dream:** don’t make me remove you again

 **tommyinnit:** sorry Big D

 **dream:** thats what i thought

 **tubbo:** tubbo!

 **tommyinnit:** keep it up, Big Law

 **tubbo:** :D

 **philza:** please go to bed it is far past your bedtimes

 **tommyinnit:** BIG CRIME SLEEPS FOR NO ONE

 **tubbo:** ok sorry phil 

**philza:** it’s ok tubbo

 **philza:** tommy go to bed

 **tommyinnit:** i will have my revenge

 **philza:** tommy.

 **tommyinnit:** FINE FINE IM GOING

 **dream:** lmao

 **philza:** you too dream

 **philza:** sleep is important :)

 **dream:** oh

* * *

_1:13am_

**technoblade:** just made a plate of pizza rolls

 **technoblade:** i think i am quite possibly unstoppable

 **sapnap:** genuine and honest question, how are you still alive and functioning?

 **technoblade:** read my last message

 **sapnap:** fair enough

 **sapnap:** im up talking to karl if u were wondering :)

 **technoblade:** i was not

 **technoblade:** i am heavily invested in my pizza rolls

 **sapnap:** thanks

 **technoblade:** anytime

 **skeppy:** hey guys

 **sapnap:** hey skeppy

 **skeppy:** can i have a pizza roll

 **technoblade:** no

 **skeppy:** :(

 **sapnap:** skeppy let’s hang out again, i’ll buy you a pizza

 **skeppy:** dude bet?

 **sapnap:** bet lmao

 **skeppy:** i love u. no homo

 **sapnap:** lmaoooooo you too dude

 **technoblade:** right in front of my pizza rolls.

 **sapnap:** it’s all good, he said no homo

 **sapnap:** also u can literally just turn off ur phone?

 **technoblade:** leave my chamber

 **sapnap:** i-

 **sapnap:** ok dude lol


	2. i feel like this group chat is just dream team drama

_7:31am_

**dream:** wait, are you guys actually gonna hang out again??

 **dream:** @sapnap

 **sapnap:** i mean sure why not

 **dream:** wtf :(

 **dream:** you didn’t invite me

 **sapnap:** lol rlly

 **sapnap:** wanna hang out

 **dream:** yes wtf

 **dream:** ur my best friend

 **sapnap:** woah

 **sapnap:** @georgenotfound u hear that? stupid bitch

 **georgenotfound:** please just take him away from me

 **dream:** WTF GEORGE

 **dream:** you literally love me

 **georgenotfound:** i do not but if i ever did i would not admit to it

 **dream:** oh come on now

 **dream:** i’ll take that as a challenge

 **georgenotfound:** don’t u fucking dare

 **dream:** how i made georgenotfound fall for me in two weeks or less lol

 **sapnap:** im always the third wheel arent i 

**georgenotfound:** stfu and go kiss karl

 **sapnap:** maybe i will ;(

 **karljacobs:** u called?

 **sapnap:** OMG BABE

 **sapnap:** ur timing is impeccable

 **karljacobs:** thx ;*

 **georgenotfound:** that’s a big word sapnap

 **georgenotfound:** u sure it came from your tiny brain?

 **sapnap:** ur just mad ur single while me n karl smooch it up every weekend

 **sapnap:** go back to pining over the dude who literally likes u back lmao

 **dream:** SAPNAP

 **sapnap:** what it’s true

 **dream:** DUDE-

 **dream:** omg george come back

 **dream:** dude fuck off u made him go offline

 **sapnap:** oops haha

 **karljacobs:** i feel like this group chat is just dream team drama

 **sapnap:** that’s cause everyone else is online at different times

 **karljacobs:** vc?

 **sapnap:** sure

* * *

_7:45am_

[ **dream** added **georgenotfound** to a private chat]

 **dream:** george

 **dream:** george pls reply

 **dream:** george?

 **dream:** im sorry

* * *

_8:12am_

**skeppy:** is this a bad time

 **justvurb:** SKEPPY

 **skeppy:** not u

 **skeppy:** anyone but u

 **justvurb:** lol rude

 **justvurb:** something big happened here

 **skeppy:** lmao r u narrating this

 **justvurb:** yea lmao

 **justvurb:** anyway

 **megapvp:** what will it take for you to shut the fuck up

 **justvurb:** how many toes u got?

 **megapvp:** i am praying for ur downfall

 **justvurb:** pray louder

 **megapvp:** i fucking hate u

 **skeppy:** lol wly2 bro

 **megapvp:** shut up

 **skeppy:** ow ok

 **badboyhalo:** MEGA! dont be mean to skeppy >:(

 **megapvp:** simp

 **justvurb:** simp

 **spifey:** simp

 **zelk:** simp

 **tapl:** simp

 **punz:** simp

 **badboyhalo:** what D:

 **skeppy:** do u not want 2 simp for me bad :(

 **badboyhalo:** nononono i do!!!

 **skeppy:** :)

 **spifey:** dude’s got it bad

 **spifey:** omg it all makes sense now

 **spifey:** the bad in badboyhalo lol

 **badboyhalo:** o.o ?

 **tapl:** youll figure it out lmao

 **skeppy:** lolzzzzzz

 **skeppy:** imtired

 **badboyhalo:** go to sleep :(

 **zelk:** its 8am wtf

 **badboyhalo:** language >:(

 **zelk:** still 8am

 **tapl:** skeppy try making some coffee or something

 **skeppy:** too tiredhdhhfhj

 **badboyhalo:** want me to go over there?

 **skeppy:**.

 **skeppy:** mhm

 **badboyhalo:** ok!

 **zelk:** simp

 **megapvp:** shut the fuck up we already did this once

 **justvurb:** simp lol

 **tapl:** simp?

 **spifey:** definitely a simp

 **megapvp:** i wish i didn’t know any of u

 **zelk:** we know

 **megapvp:** good

* * *

_10:53am_

**antfrost:** so was no one going to tell me that we had a group chat or was velv just supposed to let me know after laughing at all of you

 **velvetiscake:** OMG NO-

 **velvetiscake:** i wasn’t laughing i was just. observing

 **antfrost:** no u were 100% laughing lmao

 **velvetiscake:** ant plslssjddkks

 **antfrost:** <3

 **velvetiscake:** ,,<3

 **dream:** lmao pda

 **antfrost:** rlly? ur going there? you of all people?

 **dream:** touché

 **sapnap:** lmao he got u bro

 **dream:** shut up sap u literally made george angry

 **sapnap:** im willing to bet that he’s not angry dude

 **antfrost:** what happened?

 **dream:** sapnap ran his mouth again

 **dream:** george hasn’t been on since this morning

 **sapnap:** it’s been 3 hours, i give him until tonight lol

 **dream:** shut up

 **sapnap:** whatever

 **antfrost:** oh ok

 **velvetiscake:** i dunno if i can say anything here but um i’m sure he’ll be ok

 **velvetiscake:** george is. george lol

 **antfrost:** lmao true, he should be fine in a bit

 **antfrost:** he’s not honest

 **dream:**???

 **sapnap:** he’s as clueless as dream is lmao

 **antfrost:** true

 **dream:** what?

 **sapnap:** don’t worry about it dude

 **sapnap:** it’ll work out

 **tommyinnit:** POGCHAMP

 **dream:** for fucks sake-

 **sapnap:** LMAO TOMMY

 **tommyinnit:** school is for losers and i never lose

 **sapnap:** ur gonna drop out?

 **tommyinnit:** good idea Big Man

 **dream:** tommy no-

 **tommyinnit:** TOMMY YES

 **dream:** i’ll call ur mom

 **tommyinnit:** wtf

 **tommyinnit:** ur bluffing

 **dream:** am i?

 **tommyinnit:** how did u get her number

 **sapnap:** LMAOOOOO DUDE

 **dream:** lol

 **dream:** drop out if u rlly wanna know

 **sapnap:** U DID NOT JUST SAY THAT-

 **sapnap:** DUDE NO LMAO

 **tommyinnit:** i am not liking what ur implying, Big D

 **dream:** focus in class

 **tommyinnit:** ...

 **tommyinnit:** fine

 **wilbursoot:** LMAO

 **wilbursoot:** finally the gremlin is subdued

 **nihachu:** wilbur don’t bully him

 **wilbursoot:** he makes it so easy tho

 **nihachu:** still

 **tubbo:** TOMMY?

 **nihachu:** tubbo don’t you have class as well?

 **tubbo:** tommy isn’t talking to me :(

 **dream:** he’s probably sulking lol

 **nihachu:** i’ll talk to him

* * *

_10:57am_

[ **nihachu** added **tommyinnit** to a private chat]

 **nihachu:** tommy?

 **tommyinnit:** what niki

 **nihachu:** don’t ignore tubbo :(

 **tommyinnit:** im not ignoring Big Law

 **tommyinnit:** i just hate this class

 **nihachu:** then what about every other day?

 **tommyinnit:** can we talk about this later

 **tommyinnit:** please?

 **nihachu:** is it dream?

 **tommyinnit:** no i promise

 **tommyinnit:** i havent been feeling good all day

 **tommyinnit:** might need to kill a woman or something lol

 **tommyinnit:** sorry tho

 **nihachu:** it’s ok, tommy! just let me know if i can do anything for you. it’s not cool to leave your friend in the dust like that

 **tommyinnit:** ur right

 **tommyinnit:** thanks niki

 **nihachu:** of course <3

* * *

_11:04am_

**tubbo:** THANK U NIKI :DD

 **nihachu:** no problem tubbo :)

 **tubbo:** we r working on a projekt now! bye :D

 **nihachu:** bye tubbo!!

 **wilbursoot:** bye tubbo

 **dream:** lol bye

 **sapnap:** make sure tommy doesn’t drop out lmao

 **dream:** _you_ suggested that, asshole

 **sapnap:** do as i do not as i say

 **dream:** that is not the right phrase

 **sapnap:** same message

 **wilbursoot:** eh, it gets there

 **sapnap:** this guy gets it lol

 **dream:** isn’t bad over at skeppy’s rn?

 **sapnap:** probably, why?

 **dream:** lol infiltration

 **sapnap:** u are not breaking in

 **dream:** we’re friends! and it’s not just me

 **sapnap:**.

 **sapnap:** _i_ am not breaking in _with_ you.

 **dream:** party pooper

 **dream:** bedroom or bathroom window?

 **wilbursoot:** bathroom. safer option

 **sapnap:** dream don’t make me be the damage control

 **sapnap:** u know that’s george 

**dream:** ur fault for making him angry.

 **sapnap:** pls

 **eret:** i second that, @wilbursoot

 **eret:** who knows what would happen if u broke into their bedroom lol

 **dream:** LMAO UR RIGHT

 **justvurb:** oh so we’re talking about skeppy and bad now? i'm here

 **dream:** wtf hey

 **justvurb:** just spill the beans

 **dream:** there are, unfortunately, no beans to spill

 **justvurb:** pussy

 **justvurb:** @zelk

 **zelk:** what, vurb. youre gonna summon mega lmao

 **justvurb:** can i have toe pics

 **zelk:** i wish i blocked u when i had the chance

 **dream:** i mean u still do?

 **zelk:** he would find me

 **dream:** ominous

 **justvurb:** thanks

 **dream:** not sure if i like u or not

 **justvurb:** im taken

 **zelk:** since when???

 **justvurb:** taken for granted

 **megapvp:** it’s fucking always you

 **megapvp:** i hate you so fucking much

 **justvurb:** love u too <3

* * *

_12:35am_

**sapnap:** @skeppy u awake? lol

 **skeppy:** yea im here

 **sapnap:** could i come over around 3 or is that too early or late or smth?

 **skeppy:** its all good

 **skeppy:** bad’s already here

 **skeppy:** saw that dream was gonna break in too lol

 **skeppy:** ill assume hes gonna be early

 **sapnap:** lmao he might already be in there

 **badboyhalo:** HELLO SAPNAP! :D

 **skeppy:** caps dude

 **badboyhalo:** SORRY

 **sapnap:** lmfao hey bad

 **sapnap:** still got that cake? ;)

 **badboyhalo:** there was never cake :(

 **sapnap:** u already got it lol

 **skeppy:** lolzzzz

 **skeppy:** hes so confuseddhsjdhej 

**badboyhalo:** i dont understand :(

 **sapnap:** its ok

 **sapnap:** we can bring cake

 **sapnap:** i mean i can

 **dream:** yeah i wont 

**sapnap:** speak of the fucking devil

 **badboyhalo:** language!!

 **skeppy:** fuck

 **badboyhalo:** SKEPPY >:(

 **skeppy:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 **skeppy:** lol

 **dream:** @sapnap is he worse?

 **sapnap:** not by a long shot

 **dream:** fair enough

* * *

Skeppy snorted out a breathy laugh and set his phone down on the bedside cabinet. He snuggled up closer to Bad, who sat beside him with an arm wrapped around his shoulders.

Somehow they still didn’t understand.

“You can go if you don’t wanna hang out with Sapnap and Dream,” Skeppy mumbled, yawning as he slumped further into Bad’s sweater.

”It’s fine,” Bad responded quietly, brushing a few strands away from Skeppy’s face. “You’re gonna be here, so it’s fine.”

Skeppy felt his cheeks begin to burn.

* * *

_3:07pm_

**sapnap:** im almost there btw

 **dream:** ur late lol

 **dream:** accidentally snuck in on bad in the bathroom

 **dream:** at least it wasn’t anything worse tho lmao

 **sapnap:** the better of two bads? lmaooo

 **skeppy:** lol

 **skeppy:** it was funny to hear him scream from upstairs tho

 **dream:** u shouldve seen his face lmao

 **skeppy:** true

 **skeppy:** too bad u didn’t get a pic

 **dream:** you had to be there

 **sapnap:** im sure u did

 **sapnap:** im outside now tho

 **sapnap:** let me in before it starts raining or some dumb shit

 **badboyhalo:** language >:(

* * *

It was Skeppy who tossed his phone to the side once more as he hopped up and unlocked the front door for Sapnap. Dream was loitering in the front room, gazing at all the random photos and knickknacks Skeppy had sitting around. Most of them had no rhyme or reason, he just liked how they looked or it was from some but he and his friends had done.

He didn’t throw them away though.

”Hey,” he stated plainly as Sapnap walked through the door.

”Hey.”

”Why’s it so fu—”

Bad narrowed his eyes.

Sapnap coughed. “Uh, why’s it so cold in here?”

”Turned the AC on earlier. It was getting too hot.”

“Oh.”

Dream snickered under his breath for a moment and got three annoyed glances his direction. Still, he laughed.

* * *

_8:56pm_

**sapnap:** bad passed out

 **dream:** skeppy too

 **dream:** can u guess? lol

 **sapnap:** lmao yeah

 **punz:** is everyone here dating someone or what??

 **dream:** im not

 **punz:** sure dream. sure

 **dream:** wtf

 **sapnap:** lmao


	3. beg all you want, but the blade bends for no man

_4:39am_

[ **dream** added **georgenotfound** to a private chat]

 **dream:** george

 **dream:** can u at least respond to me

 **georgenotfound:** what, dream

 **dream:** GEORGE

 **dream:** u responded omg

 **georgenotfound:** 10 seconds

 **dream:** OMG NO WAIT

 **dream:** ARE U OK?

 **georgenotfound:** i

 **georgenotfound:** yeah

 **dream:** does it rlly bother u? what sapnap said?

 **georgenotfound:** dream can we not talk about this

 **georgenotfound:** just

 **georgenotfound:** not now

 **dream:** ok

 **dream:** sorry

 **dream:** as long as ur ok

 **georgenotfound:** i am

 **dream:** ok

 **georgenotfound:** sorry for ignoring you

 **georgenotfound:** i got overwhelmed

 **dream:** no it’s ok

 **dream:** i understand

 **dream:** if there’s anything i can do to cheer u up or whatever i’ll do it

 **dream:** i mean it

 **georgenotfound:** if you put it like that i’ll think you’re confessing to me or something

 **dream:** that bad, huh? lol

 **georgenotfound:**...

 **georgenotfound:** idiot

* * *

_6:06am_

**technoblade:** status update- got nachos

 **punz:** at 6am?

 **technoblade:** was feeling hungry

 **technoblade:** when you got a craving, as they say

 **punz:** who is they

 **technoblade:** well, uh, yeah

 **technoblade:** you know how it is

 **punz:**?

 **technoblade:** can’t get into it too much

 **technoblade:** top secret and whatnot

 **punz:** lmao right

 **philza:** techno you worry me

 **technoblade:** worries appreciated, dadza

 **technoblade:** no need, though, i am a god among men

 **philza:** you pass out at 6pm every day

 **technoblade:** but i also wake up at 9pm

 **technoblade:** i think i’m winning here

 **philza:** please fix your sleep schedule

 **philza:** i’m begging you

 **technoblade:** beg all you want, but the blade bends for no man

 **punz:** so you’d bend for a woman?

 **technoblade:** i

 **technoblade:** please don’t say it like that

 **punz:** lol checkmate

 **philza:** at least he said please

 **technoblade:** here is where i take my leave

 **technoblade:** good riddance

 **philza:** gn techno :)

 **punz:** i dont think he’s going to sleep

 **philza:** one can only hope

 **dream:** it’s lively in here for 6am

 **dream:** why are we all up??

 **punz:** early morning stream

 **philza:** just woke up

 **dream:** techno is just like that, so that checks out

 **dream:** i actually haven’t slept yet

 **dream:** don’t plan to either

 **dream:** sorry dadza lol

 **philza:** sigh

 **philza:** i can’t control you

 **dream:** lmao

 **dream:** it’s for the best

 **punz:** dude you’re gonna die 

**punz:** you’re no technoblade

 **dream:** true, i’m better

 **punz:** not what i meant

 **dream:** compliment accepted nonetheless

 **punz:** well.

 **punz:** i’m gonna stream now. see ya

 **dream:** later

 **philza:** take care

 **dream:** just u and me now huh

 **philza:** guess so

 **philza:** though i might go offline as well

 **dream:** oh i see how it is lol

 **philza:** please don’t start this

 **dream:** i won’t lmao

 **dream:** owe ya one

 **philza:** i cant catch a break

 **dream:** it’s u and eret mostly lol

 **dream:** sorry for being feral

 **dream:** could be worse tbh

 **philza:** don’t try

 **dream:** is that a challenge?

 **philza:** it absolutely is _not_

 **dream:** idk kinda sounds like a challenge

 **philza:** dream please

 **philza:** i just want one morning

 **philza:** one

 **dream:** ok fine lol

 **dream:** have a nice coffee break

 **philza:** i don’t even want to try at this point

 **dream:** but u will :)

 **philza:** i hate that you’re right

* * *

_8:30am_

**georgenotfound:** hello

 **georgenotfound:** sorry for disappearing

 **sapnap:** GEORGE

 **sapnap:** IM SO SORRY

 **georgenotfound:** oh

 **georgenotfound:** are you?

 **sapnap:** YES

 **sapnap:** dream texted me about a bazillion times over the course of one day

 **dream:** got you to apologize

 **dream:** fucker

 **sapnap:** stopppp im gonna cry :(

 **georgenotfound:** lol

 **georgenotfound:** but seriously, it’s all good

 **georgenotfound:** promise

 **sapnap:** ughhhhh gogy kiss me

 **dream:** wtf

 **georgenotfound:** ewww lmao no

 **dream:** kiss me then what

 **georgenotfound:** LMAO no

 **sapnap:** KISS US GOGY

 **dream:** PLEAAAASE GIVE US KISSES GEORGE

 **dream:** JUST ONE KISS

 **georgenotfound:** oh my god

 **sapnap:** ONE KISS AND THEN ITS OVER

 **sapnap:** omg haha that song

 **sapnap:** one kiss is all it takes

 **sapnap:** fallin in love with me

 **dream:** omfg shut up

 **sapnap:** possibilities :D

 **georgenotfound:** starting to wonder if coming back was a good idea

 **dream:** NO PLEASE IT WAS ILL KICK SAPNAP IF YOU WANT

 **sapnap:** WHAT

 **georgenotfound:** actually yeah do it

[ **sapnap** was removed from **lettuce gang** ]

 **georgenotfound:** LMAOOOO

 **dream:** will i get a kiss now

 **georgenotfound:** maybe

 **dream:** LETS FUCKING GO THATS NOT A NO

 **tommyinnit:** its not a yes either, Big D

 **dream:** u show up unwanted every time

 **georgenotfound:** LOL

 **tommyinnit:** fuck you

 **dream:** no caps?

 **tommyinnit:** FUCK YOU

 **dream:** there it is

 **wilbursoot:** tommy shut the fuck up

 **dream:** are you two like a bundle or something

 **dream:** i swear when one of you shows up so does the other

 **wilbursoot:** i have to be there to tell tommy to stfu otherwise he won’t

 **tommyinnit:** I WONT LISTEN TO YOU WILBUR

 **wilbursoot:** what about tubbo?

 **wilbursoot:** @tubbo

 **tommyinnit:** WELL

 **tommyinnit:** well no yeah i might listen to tubbo

 **tubbo:** :D tubbo

 **tommyinnit:** nvm

 **tubbo:** D:

 **wilbursoot:** wtf u made him sad

 **wilbursoot:** tubbo tell him ur sad

 **tubbo:** uhh tommy im sad :(

 **wilbursoot:** yeah like that

 **tommyinnit:** wtf

 **dream:** took the words right out of my mouth

 **tommyinnit:** green man

 **dream:**?

 **tommyinnit:** stfu

 **dream:** pls ur like 9

 **tommyinnit:** 9 times cooler than u

 **wilbursoot:** OOH SHIT HE GOT U LMAO

 **dream:** fuck off lmao

 **tubbo:** tommy pog? :D

 **wilbursoot:** TOMMY POG

 **wilbursoot:** A WIN FOR L’MANBERG

 **dream:** LMAO FUCK OFF

 **tommyinnit:** FOR L’MANBERG BIG MAN, WE DONE FUCKING DID IT

 **dream:** THIS ISNT EVEN MINECRAFT

 **wilbursoot:** u already lost when u believed we wouldn’t take this outside minecraft

 **dream:** u know.

 **dream:** good point.

 **dream:** i’ll remember that.

 **tubbo:** oh i dont like those dots

 **tubbo:** very angerey

 **dream:** :)

 **tommyinnit:** no

 **tommyinnit:** i’ll fucking kill u

 **dream:** lmao do ur worst

 **wilbursoot:** GET HIM TOMMY

 **wilbursoot:** i can see the headline already- “grown man throws down with little boy”

 **tommyinnit:** WHOS SIDE ARE U ON WILBUR

 **wilbursoot:** the child’s i guess

 **tommyinnit:** OH FUCK OFF

 **dream:** lmao

 **dream:** WAIT

 **dream:** omg

[ **dream** added **sapnap** to **lettuce gang** ]

 **sapnap:** i hate u guys

 **dream:** IM SORRY I ALMOST FORGOT TO ADD U BACK LMAO

 **tommyinnit:** LOL BIG D FUCKED UP

 **dream:** wilbur do u have duct tape

 **wilbursoot:** on it

 **tommyinnit:** wait-

* * *

_12:11am_

**spifey:** i hunger

 **skeppy:** u sound likke techno lololz

 **spifey:** oh

 **spifey:** sorry, i’m hungry

 **technoblade:** wtf

 **technoblade:** should i be offended

 **spifey:** if u want to be

 **zelk:** i thought you spent your free time digging through trash

 **technoblade:** i’m a pig not a fucking raccoon

 **zelk:** close enough

 **eret:** oh we’re all on now

 **eret:** hello techno

 **technoblade:** hi eret

 **technoblade:** ur one of my favorites

 **eret:** aw

 **eret:** thanks i guess

 **technoblade:** alright well that wasn’t the response i was looking for but i’ll take it

 **skeppy:** @zelk

 **skeppy:** whehere is finn??

 **zelk:** idfk

 **zelk:** he hasn’t been on here since the chat started

 **skeppy:** :(

 **zelk:** maybe vurb finally got him lol

 **justvurb:** u rang?

 **zelk:** oh fuck off

 **justvurb:** take the socks off babe

 **zelk:** i’d literally rather die

 **skeppy:** lol

 **skeppy:** bad is still sleeping

 **spifey:** called it

 **zelk:** ooooo haha

 **eret:** question, which bedroom?

 **skeppy:** whatt

 **eret:** forget it

 **eret:** i’ll get 20 bucks some other way

 **zelk:** LMAO

 **justvurb:** omg wait zelk let’s bet on it too

 **zelk:** wtf

 **zelk:** i don’t know if i want to

 **justvurb:** pussy

 **zelk:** fuck you, 30 bucks

 **justvurb:** i’m betting on bad. deal?

 **zelk:** fine, skeppy then. deal

 **skeppy:** wtfffff

 **skeppy:** whats goign on 

**spifey:** i’ll tell u later skeppy

 **eret:** it’s best to just tune them out

 **megapvp:** please fucking tell me how to do that @eret

 **megapvp:** it is literally impossible

 **megapvp:** my eyes and ears bleed every day

 **megapvp:** every fucking day.

 **justvurb:** lol

 **justvurb:** mega want to know a funny word

 **megapvp:** no.

 **dream:** oh shit lmao

 **justvurb:** :) boot

 **justvurb:** @dream

[ **megapvp** was removed from **lettuce gang** ]

 **zelk:** LMAO

 **zelk:** honestly ur doing him a favor

 **justvurb:** lol

 **justvurb:** he’s coming back tho

 **justvurb:** he doesn’t have a choice

 **dream:** gotcha

[ **dream** added **megapvp** to **lettuce gang** ]

 **zelk:** u terrify me

 **justvurb:** thank u :)

 **megapvp:** i want you all dead

* * *

  
_1:23pm_

[ **wilbursoot** added **nihachu** to a private chat]

 **wilbursoot:** is tommy ok?

 **wilbursoot:** he seems...

 **wilbursoot:** less gremlin

 **nihachu:** he told me he was doing pretty bad yesterday :(

 **nihachu:** he didn’t tell me why though

 **wilbursoot:** of course he didnt

 **wilbursoot:** little dickhead

 **nihachu:** wilbur

 **wilbursoot:** yeah sorry

 **wilbursoot:** of course im worried about him niki

 **wilbursoot:** hes my right hand man!

 **wilbursoot:** i just

 **wilbursoot:** idk how to bring it up

 **nihachu:** wilbur

 **nihachu:** you have to be honest with him

 **nihachu:** just tell him you’re worried

 **nihachu:** he cares about you more than he lets on

 **nihachu:** brothers with l’manberg, right?

 **wilbursoot:** :)

 **wilbursoot:** right

 **wilbursoot:** ur the best niki 

**wilbursoot:** ily

 **nihachu:** :) ily too will <3

* * *

_1:30pm_

[ **wilbursoot** added **tommyinnit** to a private chat]

 **tommyinnit:**???

 **tommyinnit:** wtf

 **tommyinnit:** why did u make this

 **wilbursoot:** uh

 **wilbursoot:** tommy

 **tommyinnit:** what

 **wilbursoot:** u know i care about u right?

 **tommyinnit:**...

 **tommyinnit:** _what?_

 **wilbursoot:** LIKE

 **wilbursoot:** fuck u for making this so hard wtf

 **wilbursoot:** ur like my little brother, man

 **wilbursoot:** i know ur off

 **wilbursoot:** im not stupid

 **tommyinnit:** oh

 **tommyinnit:** this again

 **tommyinnit:** no yeah im fine

 **tommyinnit:** just tired

 **wilbursoot:** are u sure? tommy be honest

 **tommyinnit:**...

 **tommyinnit:** FINE

 **tommyinnit:** it’s stupid

 **wilbursoot:** it’s not

 **wilbursoot:** i promise

 **tommyinnit:** i just feel left out i guess

 **tommyinnit:** fuck idk

 **tommyinnit:** forget it

 **tommyinnit:** u all dote on tubbo anyway

 **tommyinnit:** sorry for being such a fuck up

 **wilbursoot:** tommy u know we don’t feel that way about u

 **wilbursoot:** are u jealous of tubbo?

 **tommyinnit:** i dont know

 **tommyinnit:** i dont know wilbur

 **tommyinnit:** this was supposed to be easy

 **tommyinnit:** i just dont know

 **wilbursoot:** tommy

 **wilbursoot:** i’ll call ur school

 **tommyinnit:** what?

 **tommyinnit:** dont

 **tommyinnit:** pls dont 

**wilbursoot:** im picking u up

 **tommyinnit:** why

 **tommyinnit:** people will look at me funny

 **wilbursoot:** do u rlly care?

 **wilbursoot:** tommy im going no matter what

 **wilbursoot:** ill get u ice cream

 **tommyinnit:**...

 **tommyinnit:** fine

 **tommyinnit:** promise not to tell anyone tho

 **tommyinnit:** ill kill you if u do

 **wilbursoot:** promise

 **wilbursoot:** that excludes niki and phil tho

 **tommyinnit:** obviously

* * *

  
Wilbur didn’t exactly want to be heading through the lunch hour traffic, but it was for Tommy so he would do it. It was painfully slow, pushing and letting go of the brake pedal every few minutes (sometimes even seconds), but it was for Tommy.

He loved Tommy, so he would do it.

By the time he had finally gotten situated in the school parking lot and made a call to meet the boy at the front entrance, it was already 2 o’clock. Not too bad for rush hour, but tiring nonetheless.

”Wilbur,” Tommy said simply as the teacher let him through the doors.

”Tommy,” Wilbur regarded in return.

Silence fell as they crammed back into Wilbur’s tiny car, aside from a few mumbles and grunts on Tommy’s behalf.

He only decided to speak up again when the car swayed forward and then back, indicating it had come to a complete stop in front of the ice cream shop.

”Rocky road?”

Wilbur smiled. “Of course, Big Man.”


	4. i bet he was torturing children again

_3:22pm_

**jschlatt:** businessman is back, bitch

 **dream:** it’s been like 2 days

 **jschlatt:** had work

 **dream:** i dont believe that

 **wilbursoot:** ditto

 **wilbursoot:** i bet he was torturing children again

 **jschlatt:** you wound me

 **wilbursoot:** suck it

 **dream:** lmao

 **tubbo:** schlatt pls dont torctur kids :(

 **jschlatt:** i would never

 **jschlatt:** never have never will

 **tubbo:** :D

 **wilbursoot:** i dont believe it

 **wilbursoot:** he’s a liar

 **jschlatt:** i thought friends were supposed to encourage you

 **dream:** to torture children ?

 **jschlatt:** guys pls

 **jschlatt:** who do u take me for

 **wilbursoot:** someone who tortures children

 **jschlatt:** see this is why i didn’t come back right away

 **dream:** lol

 **dream:** so u weren’t actually working

 **jschlatt:** no i was

 **jschlatt:** i just couldve come back earlier

 **jschlatt:** chose not to

 **wilbursoot:** wise choice

 **wilbursoot:** we didnt want u back earlier anyway

 **wilbursoot:** we wanted finn but idfk where he is either

 **dream:** didnt he take a break?

 **dream:** at least thats what i heard

 **tubbo:** brakes r nice :)

 **wilbursoot:** they are

 **wilbursoot:** idk tho skeppy n them didn’t know either

 **wilbursoot:** maybe hes just gone offline for mental health?

 **wilbursoot:** been there myself

 **dream:** sorry about that

 **dream:** ik it sucks

 **wilbursoot:** nbd 

**jschlatt:** want me to put anyone on my hit list?

 **wilbursoot:** no i have my own

 **jschlatt:** i think im falling for u

 **wilbursoot:** get tf up

 **wilbursoot:** ur at the top of my list

 **jschlatt:** im honored

 **wilbursoot:** drop dead

 **jschlatt:** lol

 **tubbo:** wilbur!!!

 **wilbursoot:** TUBBO!

 **tubbo:** is tommy ok?

 **wilbursoot:** yeah he’s alright

 **wilbursoot:** he’s taking a nap rn lol

 **wilbursoot:** gave him too much ice cream

 **wilbursoot:** he’s collapsed on my couch

 **tubbo:** oh ok!

 **tubbo:** :) good that hes better

 **wilbursoot:** indeed :)

 **tubbo:** can i go ovr?

 **wilbursoot:** absolutely

 **wilbursoot:** text ur mum

 **tubbo:** :DD ok!!

 **nihachu:** hi guys!!

 **wilbursoot:** NIKI

 **nihachu:** hi will :)

 **wilbursoot:** hi niki :)

 **jschlatt:** :(

 **nihachu:**?

 **wilbursoot:** schlatt u shut it

 **jschlatt:** yes honey :(

 **dream:** pussy

 **wilbursoot:** not while tubbos here >:(

 **dream:** come on

 **tubbo:** PUSY!

 **nihachu:** TUBBO :(

 **wilbursoot:** TUBBO NO

 **jschlatt:** LMFAO

 **dream:** NICE

* * *

_6:55pm_

**georgenotfound:** @eret

 **eret:** yes george?

 **georgenotfound:** can i private message u lol

 **eret:** oh

 **eret:** thats a first

 **eret:** yeah though

 **georgenotfound:** thanks

* * *

_6:57pm_

[ **georgenotfound** added **eret** to a private chat]

 **georgenotfound:** ur bi right

 **eret:** lmao

 **eret:** yes?

 **georgenotfound:** how do u know when u like a boy

 **eret:**.

 **eret:** _george_

 **georgenotfound:** ITS JUST A QUESTION

 **georgenotfound:** now answer it

 **eret:** uh ok

 **eret:** i mean its kinda the same as when u know u like a girl

 **eret:** like kissing, holding hands, whatever lol

 **georgenotfound:** ur no help

 **eret:** i told u what u asked me to

 **georgenotfound:** yeah but i learned nothing

 **eret:** you’ll get there

 **georgenotfound:** shut up

* * *

_7:13pm_

**georgenotfound:** eret sucks

 **dream:** lmao why?

 **georgenotfound:** no reason

 **eret:** LMAO 

**eret:** shut up george

 **sapnap:** uh oh

 **dream:** what?

 **sapnap:** nothing lol

 **sapnap:** just need some popcorn for the show

 **dream:** stfu

 **georgenotfound:** dont you have karl to go pamper

 **sapnap:** omg ur right

 **sapnap:** thx for the reminder ;)

 **georgenotfound:** i would kill you if it was legal

 **sapnap:** <3

 **dream:** i would too tbh

 **georgenotfound:** lmao

 **dream:** love ya sap

 **sapnap:** can we kiss already

 **dream:** yeah sure

 **sapnap:** omg kiss

 **dream:** kiss lol

 **georgenotfound:** wtf

 **sapnap:** lmao jealous much?

 **georgenotfound:** not in a lifetime

 **sapnap:** k so next lifetime

 **georgenotfound:** i wanna strangle u so bad

 **dream:** LMFAO

 **dream:** ur so jealous omg

 **georgenotfound:** I AMNOT

 **dream:** you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid

 **georgenotfound:** WTFHDHFHDH

 **sapnap:** LMFAO BRO

 **sapnap:** dude ur gonna break him chill

 **dream:** too far ?

 **georgenotfound:** IHATEYOUALL

 **eret:** and he’s broke lol

 **sapnap:** same

 **eret:** i

 **eret:** sapnap do u need money ?

 **sapnap:** why, u wanna be my sugar daddy?

 **eret:** nvm

 **sapnap:** damn ok

 **quackity:** ill be ur sugar daddy baby ;)

 **sapnap:** omg quackity hey <3

 **quackity:** ;*

 **dream:** i am homophobic

 **sapnap:** ur literally gay

 **dream:** yeah and?

 **dream:** yes im gay, yes im homophobic, we exist

 **sapnap:** im gonna beat you up

 **dream:** u wanna go?

 **quackity:** 100 bucks if u win mi amor

 **karljacobs:** uh

 **sapnap:** KARL

 **karljacobs:** what is going on

 **dream:** sap’s cheating on u with quackity lmao

 **karljacobs:**??? :(

 **sapnap:** OMFG DREAM SHUT UP

 **sapnap:** karl pls im not cheating wtf

 **sapnap:** quackity is just my sugar daddy now

 **karljacobs:** ur

 **karljacobs:** ur what

 **sapnap:** yeah

 **dream:** LMFAO

 **quackity:** :)

 **quackity:** want 100 bucks to share, karl?

 **sapnap:** QUACKITY

 **quackity:** LMAO IM JOKING

 **karljacobs:** </3

 **karljacobs:** sap :(

 **sapnap:** omfg

 **sapnap:** babe please

 **sapnap:** don’t get sad

 **karljacobs:** :(

 **sapnap:** dream im gonna fucking kill you

 **dream:** honestly this is karma for george

 **quackity:** I MISSED DREAM AND GEORGE DRAMA?

 **sapnap:** unfortunately

 **quackity:** wtf

 **dream:** STOP WERE NOT UR FUCKIN MOVIE

 **sapnap:** smh

 **sapnap:** brb

 **dream:** goddamnit

 **quackity:** 100 bucks to tell me what happened?

 **dream:** _quackity._

 **quackity:** sorry sorry

 **quackity:** 200?

 **dream:** QUACKITY.

 **quackity:** OK OK ILL SHUT UP

* * *

_10:10pm_

**spifey:** @technoblade

 **spifey:** hey techno

 **spifey:** why the fuck are you ominously standing outside my front window

 **technoblade:** let me in

 **spifey:** no???? go home wtf

 **spifey:** @philza help

 **technoblade:** he has no power here

 **philza:** techno wtf

 **technoblade:** i just want to hang

 **spifey:** when have you ever just wanted to “hang”

 **technoblade:** now

 **philza:** techno please just go home

 **philza:** ur gonna get the police called on you

 **technoblade:** i bet i could take them

 **philza:** techno no

 **spifey:** wtf i dont wanna be dragged into ur police problems if that happens

 **spifey:** im a wonderful, law-abiding citizen

 **philza:** the way you said that makes me doubt you a little

 **spifey:** :(

 **philza:** sorry :(

 **technoblade:** anyway let me in

 **technoblade:** im gonna start banging on shit if you dont

 **spifey:** WTF

 **spifey:** FINE

* * *

Spifey groaned loudly as he shoved his phone in his back pocket. Of all people, why did Technoblade decide to bother _him_ _?_

He stepped over by the window again, carefully pulling away the drapes to peek out; he almost had a heart attack when met with Techno’s stupid pig-head that he made a big deal of to only wear in public or at night. Spifey honestly didn’t know if it was real or if the man simply got a kick out of scaring the shit out of people with it. Either way, he was more than slightly concerned.

Grimacing, Spifey unlocked the front door and held open the other screen door in front. “Get in, asshole,” he called, semi-quietly since it was in the middle of the fucking night.

“Many thanks,” Technoblade said, slipping past Spifey into the warm house. A nice change from the crisp night air.

”Why are you here?”

”What happened to ‘hello’ and ‘how are you’?”

“Ugh.” Spifey shook his head, already feeling the beginning of a headache creeping into his skull. Meanwhile, Technoblade had started to rummage through different cabinets and drawers, luckily only causing a moderate mess for Spifey to clean up later.

After a few more minutes, a quiet grunt of surprise came from Techno’s end and Spifey shifted against the doorframe.

”Found it.”

”...A delivery menu?”

”I couldn’t remember the name of the pizza place.” Techno grinned. “Knew you had one, though.”

”I fucking...hate you.”

”Thanks.”

* * *

_10:34pm_

**spifey:** philza please pick up your child before he causes anymore neighborhood trouble

 **philza:** i could try but im not sure it would do much

 **spifey:** please

 **spifey:** he’s in my backyard digging holes now

 **philza:**...

 **philza:** yeah

 **spifey:** YEAH??

 **spifey:** i thought you were supposed to be the responsible one

 **philza:** i am

 **philza:** i just cant control “the blade”

 **technoblade:** damn right

 **spifey:** GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND FILL THE HOLES IN MY BACKYARD

 **technoblade:** no can do

 **technoblade:** i already found what i was looking for

 **philza:** techno

 **philza:** please tell me you didn’t dig up another dead squirrel

 **spifey:** WHAT

 **spifey:** ANOTHER???

 **technoblade:** well uh

 **technoblade:** ive got a date with destiny dadza

 **technoblade:** thanks for the backyard, spifey

 **spifey:** im gonna sue you i swear to god i will

 **technoblade:** you can sue me

 **technoblade:** but at what cost

 **spifey:** at least 10k hopefully

 **technoblade:** fair


	5. it was hard being the only pretty one here

_2:15am_

**f1nn5ter:** uh...hey

 **f1nn5ter:** anyone up?

 **skeppy:** OKFN IFS FINN

 **f1nn5ter:** oh lmao hey skeppy

 **skeppy:** UR NOT DEADH

 **f1nn5ter:** nah

 **f1nn5ter:** im too pretty to die <3

 **skeppy:** tueu

 **f1nn5ter:** lol

 **f1nn5ter:** so anyway

 **f1nn5ter:** sorry for being mia like that

 **skeppy:** whos mia

 **skeppy:** i thoght u were rose

 **f1nn5ter:** LMAO

 **f1nn5ter:** missing in action, skep

 **skeppy:** oh

 **eret:** FINN!!

 **f1nn5ter:** ERET

 **eret:** it was hard being the only pretty one here

 **skeppy:** wtf

 **f1nn5ter:** omfg tell me about it

 **f1nn5ter:** im always the only pretty one when my friends are literally vurb and the others

 **justvurb:** wtf i saw my name and clicked on the chat why tf are you bullying me

 **f1nn5ter:** bc i can

 **justvurb:** u will regret this

 **eret:** idk my moneys on finn

 **skeppy:** yea sorry vurb

 **justvurb:** im literally a wild animal

 **eret:** is that supposed to mean something

 **f1nn5ter:** kinda sounds like u just dissed urself tbh

 **justvurb:** fuck you guys

 **f1nn5ter:** take me out to dinner first lol

 **eret:** lol

 **justvurb:** gn.

 **skeppy:** lmaoahkanalsjaom

 **f1nn5ter:** lmfao good riddance

 **justvurb:** :(

 **f1nn5ter:** stfu u said gn

 **justvurb:** FINE

 **eret:** @fundy

 **eret:** i need the furry

 **fundy:** FUCK YOU

 **eret:** works every time

 **eret:** anyway wanna come apple picking with me

 **fundy:** wtf

 **fundy:** why

 **skeppy:** can iwgo

 **eret:** yes u can skeppy

 **eret:** and its bc i was gonna take em over to phil and make some apple pies

 **fundy:** oh

 **fundy:** that actually sounds nice

 **fundy:** but why the fuck would u wake me up at 2am to ask

 **eret:** time is society’s illusion

 **fundy:** true

 **skeppy:** lolg

* * *

_4:54am_

**fundy:** i cant fucking sleep anymore

 **jschlatt:** want me to sing u a lullaby lol

 **fundy:** i’d honestly rather jump into a frozen river than have u do that

 **jschlatt:** the sexual tension is off the charts fundy

 **fundy:** for the love of god stop talking

 **jschlatt:** <3

 **megapvp:** i hate u guys

 **megapvp:** stop fucking texting

 **fundy:** wtf

 **fundy:** no

 **megapvp:** go fuck yourself

 **jschlatt:** dont try it its a trap

 **fundy:** youre one of the worst people ive ever had the misfortune of meeting

 **jschlatt:** sounds a lot like what wilbur said to me

 **jschlatt:** like father like son

 **megapvp:** shut the fuck up

 **fundy:** yeah what he said

 **megapvp:** you too

 **fundy:** wtf

 **jschlatt:** why didn’t u just mute the chat

 **jschlatt:** u hate us anyway

 **megapvp:** good idea

 **megapvp:** or i could just kill u

 **jschlatt:** id like to see u try, pipsqueak

 **megapvp:** fuck you

 **jschlatt:** fuck me yourself ;)

 **megapvp:** i hope ur house bursts into flames

 **jschlatt:** one step ahead of u

 **fundy:** what the fuck is wrong with u

 **jschlatt:** what, u want a list?

 **fundy:** nvm

 **jschlatt:** exactly

 **dream:** why is everyone up so early

 **fundy:** omg hey babe

 **fundy:** how’s the baby

 **dream:** i made the joke ONCE

 **dream:** JUST LET IT DIE

 **fundy:** NO YOU CANT KILL OUR CHILD

 **jschlatt:** yeah that’s kinda fucked up dream, even by my standards

 **dream:** please just let me live this down

 **dream:** i want to have a normal conversation for once

 **f1nn5ter:** arent u the one who makes it weird 90% of the time?

 **dream:** listen

 **dream:** im a comedic genius

 **dream:** i can’t just _not_ say things

 **f1nn5ter:** you could try

 **dream:** no

 **f1nn5ter:** aight

 **f1nn5ter:** @eret

 **f1nn5ter:** is it too late to join the apple picking

 **eret:** nah ur good

 **f1nn5ter:** thank god

 **f1nn5ter:** so who else is going

 **fundy:** i am lol

 **eret:** rn it’s just me, phil, fundy, skeppy, bad, and u

 **f1nn5ter:** are u gonna ask anyone else?

 **eret:** maybe wilbur and the boys lmao

 **eret:** if he goes, niki probably will too

 **dream:** make it a whole thing, why don’t u

 **eret:** u want me to?

 **dream:** i mean im down lmao

 **dream:** i can drag george and sap along too

 **eret:** omg ok

 **eret:** might as well just ask everyone then

 **fundy:** great

 **jschlatt:** that includes me right

 **jschlatt:** it better include me

 **fundy:** maybe

 **fundy:** maybe not

 **jschlatt:** man suddenly im hungry for some fox soup

 **fundy:** SHUT THE HELL UP

 **eret:** lmfao

 **eret:** ill ask everyone else when it’s later

 **f1nn5ter:** sounds good

 **f1nn5ter:** ive been awake all night so can u wake me up when we’re going?

 **f1nn5ter:** i need at least an hour in advance btw

 **eret:** u might wanna get some rest then bc we’re planning on going at noon or 1 at the latest

 **f1nn5ter:** alright cool

 **f1nn5ter:** gn guys :)

 **eret:** gn!

 **fundy:** gn finn

 **dream:** night lol

 **jschlatt:** sweet dreams ;)

 **f1nn5ter:** don’t make that face

 **jschlatt:** sorry

 **fundy:** that’s a lie

 **jschlatt:** ;)


	6. i think god stopped caring when vurb was born

_11:01am_

**eret:** @f1nn5ter

 **eret:** do you want me to come pick you up?

 **philza:** im bringing the van over

 **eret:** omg

 **eret:** are u picking _everyone_ up?

 **philza:** unfortunately

 **f1nn5ter:** im already up btw

 **f1nn5ter:** getting ready

 **eret:** kk

 **eret:** phil should i just wait around for you then?

 **philza:** yeah i’m heading over to finn’s place first

 **philza:** tommy and tubbo are coming with me

 **philza:** apparently techno is walking...?

 **eret:** suit himself

 **dream:** george and sap are here with me

 **dream:** karl too

 **dream:** bad told me to tell u guys that he’s wrangling skeppy and the others together lol

 **dream:** apparently vurb is causing an uproar?

 **f1nn5ter:** makes sense

 **f1nn5ter:** bet spifey and tapl are just making out in the background

 **dream:** lmfao maybe

 **eret:** arent u supposed to be getting ready?

 **f1nn5ter:** what, a guy can’t put on blush with one hand and text with another?

 **eret:** touché

 **sapnap:** my fucking back aches

 **sapnap:** who are we waiting for???

 **tommyinnit:** IN DA CAR !! FEELING COOL

 **tubbo:** :D dadza is driving!! very cool

 **tommyinnit:** we r going to finns house

 **tommyinnit:** i will steal his wallet

 **f1nn5ter:** no the fuck you wont

 **tommyinnit:** fuck

 **tubbo:** :D

 **dream:** anyway

 **dream:** george is sleeping rn cause of a late night stream

 **dream:** ill take the back seat with him so nobody has to deal with it lol

 **sapnap:** suuuure dude we all know you just want him to sleep on your shoulder

 **karljacobs:** yeah you tell him sappy

 **sapnap:** thank u karl <3

 **karljacobs:** <3

 **dream:** ill cuss you both out irl so none of it stays in the chat

 **sapnap:** oh no im sooooo scared

 **dream:** you asked for it

 **karljacobs:** oh n

 **tommyinnit:** LOL theyre fucking dead

 **tubbo:** i told dadza :)

 **f1nn5ter:** good work tubbo

 **tubbo:** :D

 **badboyhalo:** i finally got them in the car O.o

 **badboyhalo:** skeppy wont stop screaming the music

 **badboyhalo:** i havent even started driving yet

 **spifey:** VURB IS IN THE TRUNK

 **spifey:** I CAN HEAR HIM SKITTERING AROUND

 **eret:** why would u say it like that

 **spifey:** BECAUSE ITS FUCKING TERRIFYING???

 **tapl:** IT SOUNDS LIKE HES A WILD ANIMAL LMAO

 **spifey:** god cant save us now

 **tapl:** i think god stopped caring when vurb was born

 **spifey:** LMAO

 **badboyhalo:** LANGUAGE! and don’t be mean >:(

 **spifey:** its vurb i dont think this classified as being mean

 **tapl:** yeah this is like the standard

 **megapvp:** bad why did you make me come with

 **megapvp:** i hate it here

 **megapvp:** fuck all of you

 **tommyinnit:** FUCK!

 **megapvp:** shut up

 **tommyinnit:** not cool big man

 **megapvp:** bad please let me stay home

 **megapvp:** i dont want to sit in between spifey and tapl theyre gonna start flirting and make me deal with it

 **spifey:** no we won’t

 **megapvp:** yes you will

 **tapl:** WE DONT FLIRT

 **badboyhalo:** sorry mega but we’re _all_ going :(

 **megapvp:** bullshit

 **badboyhalo:** LANGUAGE >:(

 **megapvp:** this family is a fucking nightmare

 **spifey:** so you admit we’re family?

 **spifey:** ohgdo

 **spifey:** HEHLO

 **tapl:** HES ATTACKIFN SPFIEY HELP

 **eret:** well. good luck bad lmao

 **tubbo:** ON DE WAY BACK :D

 **tubbo:** we have finn :)

 **f1nn5ter:** you guys rushed me but ok

 **tommyinnit:** u look fine

 **tommyinnit:** dadza agrees

 **tubbo:** same! 

**eret:** tommy being nice? that’s a first

 **wilbursoot:** HI SO ME AND NIKI GOT BOMBARSED BY TEUCNO

 **tommyinnit:** BIG MAN ARE U OK?

 **wilbursoot:** HE FUCKING DIVE-BOMBED US

 **nihachu:** i don’t think i’ve ever been more scared in my life D:

 **nihachu:** he was so,, sudden

 **wilbursoot:** @philza pls save us

 **technoblade:** the faster you run the more fun it is to chase you

 **wilbursoot:** PLS

 **nihachu:** :( techno why

 **technoblade:** i live for the hunt

 **tubbo:** dadza says ur on ur own wilbur!!!

 **wilbursoot:** WHYYYY DADZA

 **wilbursoot:** IM DYIFN

 **wilbursoot:** AT LEAST SPARE NIKI SHE DID NOTHING WRONG

 **technoblade:** ill think about it

 **f1nn5ter:** somehow i think i got it easy with only tommy and tubbo

 **eret:** you most certainly did

 **tubbo:** we r going to pick up eret now :D

 **tommyinnit:** ERET

 **eret:** yes?

 **tommyinnit:** POG

 **eret:** alright then

* * *

Sighing, Eret clicked off his phone and tapped a finger against the side of his face; if they were on their way, there was no need to keep track of the group chat anymore. They had their own problems to deal with and he was only waiting for Tubbo’s private chat anyway. Not that Tommy or Finn would tell him anything—Tubbo was a good kid. Always was, always would be.

Though it did pique his interest that they hadn’t heard from Schlatt, Quackity, Fundy, Punz, or Zelk. Zelk was probably just dealing with everyone like Bad was and it was safe to assume that Schlatt and Quackity were doing their own thing (would they even show up at all?), but Punz and Fundy were outliers.

Especially Fundy.

* * *

  
_11:56am_

[ **eret** added **wilbursoot** to a private chat]

 **eret:** is fundy with u guys?

 **eret:** assuming you havent died yet

 **wilbursoot:** HES STILL CHASIGN US

 **eret:** oh cool ur alive

 **eret:** answer me then

 **wilbursoot:** NIKI SAID HE WAS GONNA MEET US THERE HIMSELF IDK

 **wilbursoot:** HE DIDNT EVEN RESPOND WHEN I CALLED HIM A FURRY

 **eret:** huh

 **eret:** not even to tell u to stfu?

 **wilbursoot:** NO THATS WHY INWAS WORRIED

 **wilbursoot:** BUT RIGHT NOW IM FIGHITNG FOR MY OWN LIFE

 **wilbursoot:** SO BYE

 **eret:** sure, bye


	7. OMFHS HEBS THROWING UPP

_1:22pm_

**jschlatt:** jesus could u guys have taken any longer?

 **jschlatt:** get out and look up

* * *

A strange message, though not unsurprising coming from Schlatt. Philza pulled the keys out of the ignition and let Tommy and Tubbo scramble out of the back seat like wild animals while Eret followed shortly after (of course he was stuck between them since Finn had hogged the passengers’ seat all to himself). Dream, George, Sapnap, and Karl all squeezed out of the furthest seats in the back, already bickering with each other the second they stepped out onto the parking lot pavement.

Squinting through the thick rows of apple trees, Eret could make out the subtle figures of people standing in the distance.

So that’s where they’ve been?

”Sounds like Big Man Schlatt is already here,” Tommy said loudly, staring down at his phone screen.

”So that’s it,” Eret muttered. “He’s probably got everyone who wasn’t active in the chat. I bet he kidnapped Fundy. There’s no way he’d go with Schlatt willingly.”

”Would anyone?” Dream chimed in and wheezed when George knocked him hard in the shoulder.

They moved closer until Schlatt, Quackity, and Punz (surprisingly) were no longer blurry black figures on the horizon. Fundy was the only one they hadn’t been able to see from afar, slumped to the ground pitifully as Quackity held him up by the collar of his shirt.

”Did you...?” Tommy asked tentatively, pointing a finger towards the poor guy. Poor furry.

”Yes and no,” Quackity replied through silent giggles. “Heat stroke or something. He can’t stand on his own.”

”I think you’re choking him,” Tubbo noted, leaning against Tommy’s shoulder.

Quackity shrugged. “He’ll be fine.”

* * *

_1:45pm_

**skeppy:** ALMST THERE ALMOST THERHWJAHA

 **dream:** lmfao okay then

 **skeppy:** THSI IS MY SONG!!!

 **georgenotfound:** lol we’re all here already

 **tapl:** bad is doing his best

 **tapl:** :)

 **megapvp:** im gonna vomit

 **spifey:** NOTT ON ME DONT YOU DARE

 **tapl:** WAIT BUT NOT ON ME EITHER WTF

 **skeppy:** OMFHS HEBS THROWING UPP

 **skeppy:** AHSJAHSJAGAJA THEYRE SVREAMING

 **skeppy:** THIS IS WORSE THAN VURB?

 **skeppy:** no vurb is worst

 **antfrost:** uh

 **antfrost:** what the fuck is going on

 **dream:** OHNYGOD I FORGOG ABOUT YOU

 **antfrost:** :( thanks

 **velvetiscake:** i could never forget abt u <3

 **antfrost:** <3

 **dream:** LMFAO STOP

 **dream:** i assumed u would ??? read the chat ???

 **antfrost:** we’ve been busy

 **skeppy:** MAKGIN OUT?

 **antfrost:** omfg no

 **skeppy:** boring

 **justvurb:** skeppys just jealous he can’t make out with badboyhalo 

**megapvp:** I THOUGHT I TOOK YOUR FUCKING PHONE AWAY

 **justvurb:** OH SHIT LOL

 **spifey:** MEGAH STOPF YOU JUST THREW UP STOP MOVIFN

 **spifey:** IM GONNA CRY BAD IS JUST STARING AT THE ROADHHES SO PISSED

 **tapl:** EWEWEWEW DUDE ITS GETIGN EVERYWHERE?????

 **justvurb:** HELP JES BANGING ON THE FUCKING TRUNK TOP FROM THE ISNIDE

 **skeppy:** vurb is cscared????

 **antfrost:** so uh

 **antfrost:** next time?

 **velvetiscake:** there might not be a next time

 **dream:** good call

 **velvetiscake:** thanks?

 **dream:** @skeppy

 **dream:** how far ?

 **skeppy:** i dunno bad is just zonign out lolz

 **skeppy:** if i askhe might punt me

 **skeppy:** its chaos

 **dream:** fair enough

 **dream:** my condolences 

**tapl:** HES TRYCKNG TO GET INTO THE TRUNK FROM THE SINSIDE OF THE CAR

 **tapl:** HES GONNA FUCKING KILL VURB

 **dream:** is that

 **dream:** really a bad thing?

 **justvurb:** YESITFUCKINGIS

 **tapl:** good point dream

 **tapl:** BUT TBE FUCKIGN VOMIT

 **spifey:** IT SMELSL HORRID IM GONNA OUKE TOO

 **tapl:** NONONO DONT U FUCKIGNDARE

 **spifey:** SOBBING

 **dream:** ill let them know itll be a while,

* * *

Dream sighed heavily, enough to earn a few concerned looks his way before he explained everything to those who weren’t keeping up with the group chat; he couldn’t blame them for not wanting to. It was complete chaos.

”So only Ant and Velv aren’t showing up then?” Eret asked with a tilt of his head.

Dream nodded.

They began to break into little groups amongst each other (as they did), until Phil suddenly spoke up again, loud enough for them all to hear. “Wait, what happened to Wilbur, Niki, and Techno?”

* * *

Niki placed a gentle hand against the back of Wilbur’s thigh, lifting his leg the slightest bit as she pressed a cotton ball to his kneecap. “Inhale,” she instructed, pulling out a bandaid to cover the scrape wound. Of course he would be stupid enough to get hurt not by Technoblade himself, but instead falling against the pavement.

“Thanks,” Wilbur muttered shamefully after sucking in a breath. “We should hurry up, though.”

”Yeah.” Niki nodded and smiled. “All better?”

”All better.”

* * *

_2:03pm_

**nihachu:** on our way!! :D

 **nihachu:** i will pretend as if the previous messages do not exist :)

 **philza:** speak of the devil

 **philza:** what happened?

 **nihachu:** wilbur hurt himself but he’s ok now!!!

 **wilbursoot:** im not an idiot

 **philza:** just be careful next time

 **philza:** and techno?

 **nihachu:** idk :(

 **nihachu:** after wil tripped, he just left without us

 **wilbursoot:** lol i bet he went rogue

 **wilbursoot:** also i didnt trip, i just

 **wilbursoot:**...thought the ground was lonely so i gave it some company

 **tommyinnit:** youre a fuck up

 **wilbursoot:** oh so now the _child_ is going to preach to me??

 **tommyinnit:** FUCK OFF

 **wilbursoot:** lol

 **nihachu:** :(

 **wilbursoot:**.

 **wilbursoot:** sorry

 **tommyinnit:** lol

 **wilbursoot:** >:(

 **philza:** anyway

 **philza:** im sure techno is fine

 **tommyinnit:** i bet hes hunting birds for sport

 **philza:** i wish i could say that was not 100% a possibility

 **wilbursoot:** we all wish for a lot of things

 **tommyinnit:** i wish you would shut the fuck up

 **wilbursoot:** we don’t always get what we wish for now do we tommy

 **tommyinnit:** i dont know abt u but i do

 **philza:** christmas?

 **tommyinnit:** well would u look at that hahahahahahahahhaa

 **tommyinnit:** tubbo is looking for me :)

 **tommyinnit:** bye

 **wilbursoot:** LMAO

 **wilbursoot:** anyway we’ll be there soon

 **nihachu:** yeah!!

 **nihachu:** see u guys :)

 **philza:** :) see you


	8. god bless eret #eretsupremacy

And finally, everyone had arrived. Chaotic, destructive, but arrived.

Philza took it upon himself to properly split everyone up into their respective groups, lingering behind with his own to make sure everyone would be off alright. Which was, frankly, quite a fatherly thing to do.

“Wilbur and Niki, I want you to chaperone Tommy and Tubbo. Don’t make me regret putting you in charge of them. Niki, keep Wilbur out of trouble too,” he added.

Wilbur feigned offense and Niki nodded in return; the other groups had Schlatt, Quackity, Fundy, and Mega (there was hope for a break from any of his other friends’ shenanigans, but with Schlatt and Quackity together it was looking bleak), Dream, George, and Sapnap, Bad, Skeppy, Vurb, and Zelk, Spifey, Tapl, Eret, and Finn, and finally Punz, Karl, and Phil.

Sapnap moaned and groaned about being separated from Karl while having to third-wheel Dream and George, but Phil dismissed him with a simple “sorry about that.”

Then, they were off to pick apples!

* * *

  
_2:24pm_

**sapnap:** this is stupid

 **sapnap:** im literally third wheeling

 **philza:** think of it like this

 **philza:** youre the responsible one if theyre just flirting the whole time :)

 **sapnap:** OMG FINALLY

 **sapnap:** ur so right thank u dadza

 **sapnap:** @karljacobs i miss u tho

 **karljacobs:** miss u too honeybear <3

 **zelk:** @sapnap

 **zelk:** i understand ur pain

 **zelk:** skeppy and bad just keep flirting while vurb teases them about it

 **zelk:** one of us might die lol

 **sapnap:** omfg

 **sapnap:** we should make like

 **sapnap:** a third wheel gang

 **zelk:** TRUEEEE OMG

 **sapnap:** who else LMAO

 **zelk:** eret and finn are like fourth wheeling spifey and tapl rn i bet lmao

 **f1nn5ter:** can confirm

 **zelk:** wtf i didn’t even tag u go back to picking apples and suffering

 **f1nn5ter:** fuck you

 **f1nn5ter:** the only reason they arent flirting that much is because eret keeps talking to one of them

 **f1nn5ter:** god bless eret #eretsupremacy

 **sapnap:** agreed #eretsupremacy

 **zelk:** #eretsupremacy lol

 **sapnap:** just dont lose them otherwise theyll end up literally sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g

 **f1nn5ter:** yeah no shit lol

 **f1nn5ter:** im making sure eret doesnt deal with them alone either

 **f1nn5ter:** us pretty ones gotta stick together

 **zelk:** true

 **sapnap:** do u think im pretty too <3

 **f1nn5ter:** no <3

 **sapnap:** fuck you

 **f1nn5ter:** LOL im kidding ur beautiful sappy <3

 **sapnap:** omgggg haha

 **zelk:** this was supposed to be a safe space

 **zelk:** @karljacobs

 **sapnap:** wtf

 **karljacobs:** wtf

 **karljacobs:** sap......

 **sapnap:** baby please

 **karljacobs:** lmao nah im playing

 **sapnap:** :D

 **karljacobs:** ;*

 **sapnap:** ;*

 **zelk:** THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SAFE SPACE

 **tubbo:** @philza

 **tubbo:** me and tommy made a friend! :D

 **philza:** cool tubbo! :)

 **philza:** is niki still with u guys?

 **sapnap:** lol wouldnt be surprised if they left wilbur behind

 **f1nn5ter:** lol true

 **tubbo:** yup!! but wilbur is...intregogating him

 **philza:** interrogating? the friend?

 **tubbo:** yea :D

 **zelk:** oh thank god change the subject thank u

 **tubbo:**?

 **zelk:** dw abt it

 **philza:** i hope ur new friend is okay

 **tubbo:** he is cool! tommy is bullying him a bit

 **tubbo:** well

 **tubbo:** i think tommys loosing

 **sapnap:** LMAO

 **sapnap:** yeah mystery man, beat the child

 **karljacobs:** sapnap dont condone that

 **sapnap:** :(

 **tubbo:** hes ok!!! his name is ranboo :D

 **tubbo:** hes around our age

 **philza:** thats good then

 **philza:** let wilbur grill him a little longer lmao

 **philza:** what happened to techno btw?

 **tubbo:** techno is with us!! he dive-bombed wil a bit after we split

 **zelk:** oh god i would shit myself

 **sapnap:** i think we all would

 **tubbo:** wilbur tommy and ranboo are srguing

 **tubbo:** :0 phil!!

 **philza:** yes tubbo?

 **tubbo:** he goes to our school!!

 **philza:** awesome !!

 **tubbo:** he said hes new

 **tubbo:** can i add him?

 **philza:** if u can get dreams approval then yes

 **philza:** let me talk to him with u guys when we all meet back up

 **philza:** stay with wilbur and niki :)

 **tubbo:** ok!!

 **tubbo:** i will keep tommy with too :)

 **philza:** that’s my boy :)

 **tubbo:** :DD

 **sapnap:** so anyway

 **sapnap:** karl we should make dream third wheel us for putting me through his awful attempts at flirting 

**karljacobs:** ur so mean to him lol

 **karljacobs:** its kinda hot tho

 **sapnap:** oh fr?

 **karljacobs:** fr babesssss haha

 **zelk:** you guys make me sick

 **zelk:** the third wheel gang is kicking you out sapnap

 **sapnap:** wtf </3

 **sapnap:** i literally third wheel them all the time cmon

 **zelk:** no it cancels out when u make other people third wheel

 **f1nn5ter:** hes kinda got a point

 **sapnap:** whatever this is why karl is my favorite

 **f1nn5ter:** no karl is ur favorite because ur fuckin whipped

 **sapnap:** yeah sure

 **sapnap:** call me out now

 **f1nn5ter:** will do

* * *

_2:58pm_

[ **tubbo** added **ranboo** to **lettuce gang** ]

 **tubbo:** FREND! :D

 **ranboo:** helloo :)

 **tommyinnit:** HELLO BIG MAN

 **ranboo:** oh so ur just as annoying over text too, great

 **tommyinnit:** :(

 **ranboo:** ive only known you for half an hour and i know thats fake

 **tommyinnit:** >:(

 **tubbo:** evil?

 **tommyinnit:** i am committing crimes

 **tommyinnit:** HATE crimes......

 **tubbo:** D: 

**ranboo:** oh god

 **technoblade:** you split up for five minutes and decide the best thing to do is spam the group chat

 **tommyinnit:** you are literally in a tree right now

 **technoblade:** mind your business

 **tommyinnit:** ive never been good at that

 **tubbo:** i think ur very cool!

 **technoblade:** thank you, youd be correct

 **philza:** techno dont use the children to fuel your ego

 **technoblade:** its just what im best at

 **philza:** you make my job so hard

 **philza:** all of you

 **ranboo:** this a bad time to say my condolences?

 **philza:** ur good

 **philza:** thank u :)

 **ranboo:** youre welcome :)

 **quackity:** FUNDY IS CUSSING OUT SCHLATT LOOLLLLL

 **philza:** oh no

 **ranboo:** oh no?

 **quackity:** AND MEGA LOOKS LIKE HES GOING TO KILL SOMEONE

 **tommyinnit:** he always looks like that

 **tubbo:** true!

 **quackity:** this is so tense dude LOL i might die in the crossfire

 **quackity:** theres enough of me to go around, boys <3

 **technoblade:** i regret showing up

 **tommyinnit:** ur not even there???

 **technoblade:** in general

 **megapvp:** one will die

 **megapvp:** @quackity

 **megapvp:** dont make me kill you too

 **quackity:** ily ur so hot

 **megapvp:** shut the fuck up

 **quackity:** its ok guys he’ll come around

 **quackity:** they always do

 **ranboo:** is this what it’s always like here?

 **philza:** unfortunately

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long! :’>


End file.
